Relationship Goals Ep. 2: “Discover the Real Ideal: Love, Dating, and Relationships God’s Way”

January 6, 2025 Brian Jones

When it comes to dating, relationships, and even our understanding of love, many of us carry around unrealistic expectations. Whether it’s about finding someone who looks or acts a certain way or believing that relationships should always feel like a perfect love story, our culture feeds us a version of dating and romance that often leads to frustration, disappointment, and heartache. Yet, beneath all the noise, there’s a deeper question we need to ask: What is the real ideal when it comes to love, sex, and relationships? Click the video link above for the full message.

The Deconstruction of Sex and Its Impact on Relationships

Over the past century, cultural attitudes toward sex have drastically shifted. From the introduction of contraceptives in the 1950s to the sexual revolution in the 1960s, followed by the widespread availability of pornography in the 1970s and 1980s, and finally, the rise of the internet and AI-driven sexual content, sex has been stripped of much of its original purpose and meaning.

Sex was intended to be a means of creation, intimacy, and lifelong commitment. As these elements were removed, what was once sacred and relational became transactional and self-serving. This erosion of meaning has left many searching for something more, something real.

What the First Relationship Teaches Us About the Ideal

Looking back at the earliest human relationship described in Genesis 2 offers an insightful framework for understanding what healthy relationships can look like. Before humanity complicated things, there was a simple, beautiful connection between two people created for each other.

Genesis 2 describes how God formed Adam from the dust, placed him in a garden, and gave him a purpose before creating Eve as a suitable companion. The story concludes with an ideal of vulnerability and connection: “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25, NIV). This wasn’t just a physical state; it was emotional and spiritual openness without fear.

Four Essential Elements for Healthy Relationships

1. Rest: Finding Peace Before Pursuing Love

The first thing God modeled for humanity was rest. After creating everything, He rested. True rest goes beyond sleep; it’s about creating rhythms in life that allow for restoration. Many of us live restless lives, trying to control everything. Yet, rest reminds us that we are not in control—God is.

Rest also plays a crucial role in decision-making. Without proper rest, emotions and impulses can take over, leading to poor choices in relationships. Regular rest, including weekly sabbaths and annual vacations, helps create a foundation of peace and clarity.

Practical takeaway: Before making significant decisions in your personal life, ensure you’re well-rested. This isn’t just about physical sleep but emotional and spiritual rest in God.

2. Responsibility: Walking in Your Calling

Adam wasn’t given a relationship first—he was given a purpose. He was placed in the garden to work it and take care of it. Responsibility is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment. Often, people look to relationships for purpose, but true purpose comes from walking in your calling.

Being responsible doesn’t mean just having a job; it means stewarding what’s been entrusted to you—whether that’s a career, friendships, or personal growth.

Key point: Purpose isn’t found in a person; it’s found in a calling.

3. Restraint: The Power of Saying No

In Genesis, God gave Adam and Eve one restriction: they couldn’t eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. While it might seem like a small detail, it highlights an important truth—healthy living requires boundaries. Restraint isn’t about limiting joy; it’s about protecting it.

In a world that promotes instant gratification, learning to say no can be transformative. Whether it’s abstaining from unhealthy relationships, guarding your heart, or avoiding toxic influences, restraint builds character and strength.

Reflection: Where do you need to practice restraint in your life? Are there habits or relationships you need to step back from?

4. Relationship: The Core of Human Connection

God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone, so He created Eve as a helper and companion. Healthy relationships are marked by mutual support, respect, and love. While romantic relationships are one form of connection, they aren’t the only form. Friendships, community, and family relationships are equally significant.

God’s ultimate design for relationships is companionship and partnership, not codependency or fleeting attraction. Whether single, married, or somewhere in between, everyone needs meaningful relationships.

Encouragement: If you’re feeling isolated, consider finding a community where you can build real connections. Relationships, especially in a faith community, offer encouragement, accountability, and love.

Living Out the Real Ideal

Finding the real ideal in love and relationships isn’t about chasing perfection; it’s about aligning with God’s design for humanity. Rest, responsibility, restraint, and relationship form the foundation of a healthy, fulfilling life. Whether you’re single, dating, married, or healing from past relationships, these four elements are vital for personal and relational well-being.

Take a moment to reflect on your life. Are you prioritizing rest? Are you walking in your calling? Do you have healthy boundaries? Are you investing in meaningful relationships? Wherever you find yourself today, God offers a way forward—a way toward healing, growth, and love.

The Hills Community Church